Lack of self-acceptance is so common nowadays in the clients who walk through my door, that it has become a bit of a pet subject of mine. I ask myself, what happens to us growing up that we lose touch with our intrinsic sense of worth, just for being us? Of course, I am well aware of the perpetuating reality of parents having not been met in their pure essence then becoming parents themselves, who are unable to meet their own children in their fullness...and so forth. And the current education system does not foster a sense of value in 'being' rather than 'doing'. But the question still stands - if we are pure in essence and all equally have a heart that is loving by nature, why do we not hold onto that and accept ourselves as that and nothing less?
An analogy I often use to challenge clients is to ask them - on a cloudy day, even with thick dark clouds that block out the sky, is the sun still there behind the clouds? A simple question, you might say, but it proves my point as they have to say YES, of course the sun remains no matter what. So what if this the case for each of us? Do we become so identified with the clouds ie the hurts, the injustices, even the mistreatment, that we lose sight of who we are in essence? What if each of us retains our true essence which cannot be rubbed out no matter what happens to us?
This may seem like wishful thinking, and some may argue that there are people in the world who are just evil, but what if someone who commits a crime or abuses another is just so identified with their hurts (the clouds) that they lash out at the world? What if they have simply lost their connection to who they truly are?
In moments of stillness, in relationship with another or in nature, we all have experiences of a deep connection, a sense that there is more to life than the day-to-day existence. What if there is a part of us that knows there is more? And if this is so, can we accept that there must be more to us, that we have an inner essence that is like the sun, always there, a part of us that is pure and true?
So when clients come in and are very much identified with their hurts I support them to 'clear the clouds', from an ever-present awareness that they are something grand and spectacular in essence. To hold and accept another as nothing less fosters greater self-acceptance, as they are reminded of the 'sun' that resides within them no matter what clouds temporarily get in the way.